3. they will interfere with her private time alone or with
friends
How much time does it take Janet to get her homework done
each night? Is she the type of child that finishes her
homework in studyhall and on the bus ride home or does she
dawdle for hours at night, just to rush and get it done the
following morning while eating her breakfast?
Does she have prior commitments through her church or other
family obligations that may prevent or deter an activity
she has chosen? Will Janet have enough time to watch
television and relax or chat on the phone with her friends?
All of these questions should be addressed before deciding
on which activities to choose.
Putting it Down on Paper
Once you have assessed the amount of time needed for
schoolwork and other commitments, it's time to lay the
activities out on the table.
Begin with which activities Janet finds most rewarding.
Write the chosen activities down on a piece of paper and
ask her to number them by importance, number one being most
important and number four the least.
It's time to label each activity with approximate
commitment times. For example, if Janet chose dance as her
most rewarding choice, you will need to label the amount of
time that this activity will require. Most activities
provide a schedule for the duration of the season. If you
don't have one, ask the instructor or coach.
Let's say that dance requires two practices per week after
school at one hour each and a recital every other Saturday
for one hour. Don't forget commute time! You've determined
that for each one hour session you will need to arrive 15
minutes early for warm ups and it takes 15 minutes to get
there and 15 minutes to get home. So you've rounded each
one hour session up to two hours of committed time.
2 hrs x 2 times per week = 4 hrs/week
plus two Saturdays per month at 2 hrs each
Do this simple exercise for each activity. Don't get too
detailed, keep it fairly simple and round up instead of
down on your times. This will allow for extra time if you
need it, and we usually do!
What to Eliminate
You've determined the following from the above exercises:
Homework: Janet is an academic child and usually has the
bulk of her homework done before she gets home from school.
Whatever isn't done is usually finished before dinner is
put on the table.
Family/religion: Janet has commitments at her place of
worship once per week for one hour. She also baby-sits her
little brother every Friday night for her parents.
Private time: Janet likes to spend time with her friends at
least two times per week after school just hanging out.
Sometimes she likes to roller blade or just watch
television. She has decided that she would like to slot a
few hours twice per week just for herself.
Dance: This activity, as illustrated above, will need a
commitment of 4-6 hours per week, including commute time.
Basketball: This was Janet's second choice. Though this
activity also takes up a lot of time, it is seasonal and
does not last all year.
Drama club: This is something that Janet truly enjoys, but
she has determined that her private time and her family
time are more important to her, so she has decided not to
take it this year.
Ceramics: Though this was last on Janet's list of most
rewarding activities, she chose it over drama because it
only requires one hour per week after school.
Our children look to us for guidance. If we decide to be
the 'bad guy" and tell our children whether or not they may
participate in an activity, we create a negative
atmosphere. By allowing our children to be part of the
decision making process, we have taught a lesson in
responsibility that will help carry them into a more
productive adulthood. By allowing Janet to be part of the
final decision, rather than being the "bad guy" yourself,
you have created a win/win situation for both you and your
child.
RELATED RESOURCES
Ending Sibling Fights
http://www.thefamilycorner.com/cgi-bin/dir/jump.cgi?ID=203
Managing Morning Madness
http://www.thefamilycorner.com/cgi-bin/dir/jump.cgi?ID=1390
Kids Home Alone: When and How?
http://www.thefamilycorner.com/cgi-bin/dir/jump.cgi?ID=3476
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Amanda Formaro is the entrepreneurial mother of four children. She is
also the
owner of FamilyCorner.com Magazine at http://familycorner.com Join her
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